Well, little did I know two weeks ago when I ever-so-gleefully gave birth to my way-overdue blog, that its’ mere presence would be a source of frustration for me. First of all, I was on vacation then …and now I’m not. Perhaps, because I was on vacation and circulating a lot of those “feel good” vibes and endorphins from finally getting enough sleep, I was looking at this “blog-thing” through “rose-colored glasses”. As it turns out, and, at my age I confess I did know this little factoid about myself, I tend to be a little too perfectionistic about some things. “Well, what’s wrong with that?”, you may be asking. Well, I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that. If I feel like I can’t do something up to my own, sometimes unattainable standards for MYSELF, I procrastinate and my ‘tires’ just spin in the mud…..getting me precisely nowhere fast. Now before I go any further, I feel it necessary to issue a disclaimer … before those who know me best wet their ‘drawers’ from laughing so hard. You will note that I said I am a “perfectionist” about SOME things …not all….sadly. For instance, I have a cupboard .. or maybe two, in my kitchen that just never seem to be big enough for all the things I think should go in there. I swear my mixing bowls get in there under the cover of darkness and do the ‘hokey pokey’ so that when I try to put one back or pull one out there’s an avalanche! So, when no one’s looking….and by ‘no one’ I mean Winston or Molly…….my cats…I’ve been known to just open the door quick as lightning, ‘wing’ one in and slam the door shut before that rascal falls back out! Same story for a particular ‘junk drawer’, also in my kitchen, whose contents seem to expand like a beer you just shook to death! I am forever mashing them down in order to get the drawer shut. Do you think it would ever cross my mind to dump the whole thing, sort it, purge the ‘crap’ and re-organize? Actually, no, it hasn’t until just now! I would probably find, among other things, a whole nest of rubber bands so old and dry rotted that they’ve fused to the inside of the drawer. These would be the same rubber bands I have searched high and low for until I have relented in frustration and just kept buying more …..and more. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my home lurks a giant Rubber Band Man! Then there’s my combination Office/Art Studio/Sewing Room. If a house were a body, this room would be both my brain and my heart. My creative juices have flowed into streams, rivers, and lakes in this former bedroom. In here I spent hundreds of hours researching the process of making natural soaps, lotions and various potions and then set about creating them, one after another … happy as a clam in my amateur chemistry lab. In here I tried my hand at writing greeting card verse….and actually sold a few to a major company. In here I spent countless hours designing and sewing unique ‘headwear’ for women who had lost their hair. In here I have made jewelry, a boatload of handmade cards, taught myself how to quilt and so much more. This is also where I spend way too much time staring at my computer screen. So perhaps, you can see why, with the accoutrements for so many different hobbies, this room is way too small for its’ contents. If you are a minimalist or a ‘neatnik’, you probably wouldn’t want to cross the threshold of this room without a nitroglycerin tablet in your hand … for the probable coronary you would likely experience. In fact, if I know you’re a ‘neatnik’, I will not even ALLOW you into this room without first signing an agreement promising continued friendship despite my ‘clutterbug’ tendencies!! Because, you see, it’s just this room … almost all the others are the opposite — orderly, streamlined and non-cluttered. I digress … yet another ‘avoidance technique’, whether conscious or sub-conscious, of the experienced procrastinator.
Back to the blog. That BIG, EMPTY page just staring at me. Part of the problem … actually a big part, is that I don’t have much time to write now. I have a lot of things going on — some temporary, like miles of grass to mow — in addition to working full time, and by the time I get my various “chores” done each day, I am worn out and my creative writing ‘juices’ are as dried up as the Sahara. Focus Teresa …..stay focused. Oh….I didn’t really mean to actually type that last bit. I’m just trying to remind myself it’s time to find the path off of this ‘rabbit trail’ back to the point of this post! My point being that when I’m tired and creativity is at low tide and I have very little time, the task of writing anything other than a check feels like something I can’t do with the perfection I expect. So, I put it off…. hence, the lack of any posts other than my initial two, done during the blissful days of vacation.
Funny thing is, though, this very post that you are reading now was only meant to be a short little paragraph explaining the ‘nakedness’ of my blog … a simple little filler to let you know I’m still alive and hope you will continue to check back … for when I write about the REAL topic I’m working on but currently kinda struggling with. I think there’s a message in there somewhere … I’ll try to figure it out …. later, of course.