Quirks or idiosyncrasies are those sometimes annoying, sometimes laughable little oddities that make us each unique, one-of-a-kind individuals. If you try to convince me that you don’t have any, I will tell you, in no uncertain terms, that you might want to double-check your heritage, as you may have arrived on this planet in an oscillating silver orb from another galaxy. Actually, I am much too nice and polite to tell you that, but, believe me, I’m thinking it! We ALL have them!
Given the fact that I am a very open and transparent person, I have decided to sacrifice pride and reputation in order to share with you a few of my particular little quirks. Let me begin, however, by alerting you to the fact that this article is rated “R” …. as in you may REGRET reading it if you happen to possess a highly suggestible mind, as I do. Some things, once seen or thought about, cannot be ‘unseen’ nor forgotten!
This whole subject started the other morning when I tried something new to dress up my rather hum-drum breakfast. I halved a few of my own homegrown juicy, sweet cherry tomatoes and added them, along with some freshly cut chives, to my scrambled eggs. WoW!!…what an epiphany! Now, you may be wondering why on earth this would be such a big deal. Well, I’ll tell you. For as long as I can remember, I have not been overly fond of eggs and can only seem to choke them down in certain applications and ONLY when each bite is accompanied by toast. My biggest issue with them is a rather odd ‘quirk’ of mine … mid-bite, I suddenly envision them in their raw, viscous state as being what they really are …the unborn fetus-to-be that was expelled from the southern most orifice of a stinky chicken. This revolting image is triggered by the smell of eggs cooking, the “eggy” taste of things like custard and ESPECIALLY if I happen to get a bite wherein that white ‘stringy thing’ (probably the chick’s umbilical cord!) is recognizable!! Eeww!! Well, it just so happens that several months ago I started to try to cut bread out of my diet. I LOVE bread but have discovered it is not doing me any favors! In recent years, my body has also decided to view dairy products as some sort of alien food source. So, what does that leave as a healthy source of protein for breakfast — eggs. So it has been with GREAT determination and mind control that I have recently been successful in choking down scrambled eggs WITHOUT any toast. I don’t enjoy it but I do it out of necessity. The ‘epiphany’ takes place with the addition of those succulent little cherry tomatoes whereby I actually LIKE the eggs and can eat them sans toast if I do so while keeping my mind occupied with something else, like looking at Facebook during breakfast.
It is most unfortunate that I have a similar ‘quirk’ with many meats. Here comes the ‘R’ rating. Working with real cadavers (deceased human bodies, for you non-medical readers) 30 years ago in my college anatomy class, seared images into my gray matter that apparently will never go away nor even dim over time. I truly hate to ruin anything for you but the visual similarity between our human muscle tissue and a beef or pork roast is almost identical. Therefore there are times when that image, minus the nasty stench of formalin, suddenly pops into my pea brain while I’m enjoying a delicious bite of roast beef. Other times, perhaps when I’m eating a juicy burger, the movie reel in my head will start showing a Bovine International film starring sweet little black and white Buttercup as she frolics in the green pasture. Or, sometimes it might be while eating bacon, which I DEARLY love, that snippets of Babe or Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web are featured. Don’t get me wrong, I do eat meat and I LOVE a good steak on the rare occasions that I get one, but, this stupid little ‘quirk’ can sometimes make that a less than enjoyable process for me. There are many ‘triggers’ for this type of show to start playing in my mind ….an “off” taste or smell, meat not cooked properly or enough, OR being in the presence of someone who likes to get a little too ‘familiar’ with their meat. I am referring to folks who, much like a very famous female southern TV cook, like to “address” their meat as a personal pronoun, i.e. “him” or “his”. If you and I are cooking together, for some strange reason, please do NOT call the roast a “him” as in ” oh let’s just oil ‘him’ all up and snuggle ‘him’ into that nice big pan of vegetables and pop ‘him’ into the hot oven.” That will immediately flip the switch to start the “Dick and Jane Go To The Farm” film in my mind! I will subsequently have a hard time enjoying the final product with you.
I am fairly confident that this last type of ‘quirk’ is a direct result of being in the nursing profession for 30 years and not some latent DNA mutation or other cranial short-circuit. Those who know me best are already aware of my rather germophobic tendencies, as in the fact that I do not touch public door knobs, hand rails or water faucets in bathrooms, whenever possible nor do I EVER drink from a public water fountain. Have you ever seen what some nincompoops put in those or the folks who lick the part that the water comes out of??!! Although I do concede once in awhile, I am also not a big fan of salad bars or buffets. A little factoid always seems to pop into my head at these places….”the droplets from an uncovered sneeze travel 15 feet in all directions”. Oh my …..the brain is a mighty and powerful thing!
So, as you can see, I have no shortage of idiosyncrasies. But those are what help to make me; me and yours’ make you; you! I’m quite sure life would be endlessly dull and boring if we didn’t all have our own little satchel of ‘quirks’ with which to entertain each other! Give it some thought …make a list….it could explain a lot!