Exactly one week ago I did what I had told myself months ago I would NEVER do again. I joined an online dating site. I was having a glass of wine at the time so that’s what I’m at least partially blaming my wayward decision on. My good sense and memory (of previous experiences therein) were apparently taking a bit of a ‘siesta’. Lesson 1: alcohol consumption, even in small quantities, and simultaneous use of the computer are contraindicated due to the side effect of one becoming unusually melancholy and philosophical. This might also explain the first version of My Profile that I initially wrote. Oy vey! I totally managed to embarrass and misrepresent myself in my efforts to be completely honest in laying out what I am and am not looking for in a man. Lesson 2: When composing a dating profile of yourself, write it down but then let it sit a few days. Re-read it over and over and, most importantly, have a good friend, especially one of the opposite sex, read it too BEFORE posting it!! This will save you embarrassment, unneeded anxiety, and a LARGE queue of “lookers” who are actually NOT on the ‘same page’ as you! The “light did not come on” about my faux pas until about the third day in when a fella wanting to meet made a comment referencing a ‘quality’, let’s say, that is the TOTAL OPPOSITE of who I am. I was shocked and rather horrified and, frankly, insulted. I shared it with a couple co-workers who, yes indeed, confirmed that a particular couple of sentences in my Profile could have had a ‘catnip-type’ effect on the male readers. Geez Louise……that was NOT my intent at all!! I dropped everything and scrambled to re-write version 2 of my Profile. It has since been revised even more!
Perhaps my errant profile-writing skills are also to blame for the fact that for some strange reason, I seem to attract an abundance of what I call the “Redneck Bubba” guys. You know the type …..their ONLY photo features them sporting a “wife-beater” muscle shirt and do-rag as they straddle their ‘rip-roarin’ Harley. Now before you get your knickers in a twist, I am NOT ‘dissing’ Redneck Bubbas! I’m quite sure most of them are hard-working, upstanding, lovable members of society. In fact, I would be lying if I told you that there wasn’t some itsy bitsy teeny weeny little part of me that has a somewhat ‘primal’ desire to be ‘Jane’ to their ‘Tarzan’ and swing off into the sunset together on a shared vine. But that is only with a SELECT FEW ….. and the feeling never lasts long…… because my alarm goes off and I wake up. In all actuality, I prefer a much more complex and intellectual type of guy…. a deep thinker who is also sensitive and can communicate effectively. Someone whose brains outweigh his brawn but whose arms are still being used to pick up things heavier than a pen or computer mouse. Not a muscle-bound weightlifter……just someone who is stronger than I am. They’re out there…..somewhere. Unfortunately, it seems most are either married, in a “committed relationship” ….whatever that is these days!?, gay or well-hidden in the long line of Redneck Bubbas!
I hate to reveal this about myself, but, I’m already past the “point of no return”, so why not?! My biggest problem with these dating sites is NOT a lack of “lookers”. My problem is my own fear, which paralyzes me and causes me to click “No” on almost everyone who wants to meet me. Up to now, on the other dating sites I’ve tried over the last year, I have been deathly afraid of actually meeting in person. Having been married for 24 years, my ‘dating skills’ are so rusty they’ve all but disintegrated! Yes, I’ve been divorced for 5 years now, but, during the first 3 1/2 or so, I felt totally content to never have a man in my life…..ever again. Well, I’ve changed and the ‘clouds’ have lifted and I am becoming increasingly aware of all the fun things and places I’m missing out on because going alone just doesn’t cut it. Also, I miss having that special someone who calls or texts you in the middle of the day just to hear your voice or just to say “Hi”. Someone to hold hands and share your thoughts and dreams with. Someone to kiss you till you can hardly breathe. OK…….I think you’ve gotten the picture!!
Anyway, I’ve committed myself to at least 2 months of this crazy adventure, so, we’ll see if I can stop being a ‘scaredy- cat’ long enough to at least meet a few new friends. It should be interesting at the very least. Definitely not for the faint-of-heart!